Rick Perry Is A Big Strong Man

by Jordon on December 7, 2011

Rick Perry hates the gays. Some might argue he doth protest too much. Or that he was a classic self-loather. I would never even imply such a thing. The definitive Rick Perry presidency book, Adios Mofo, features a chapter proving his heterosexuality titled “Rick Perry is so Not Gay.” First, you should all go purchase this book for your Kindle or iPad (with the free Kindle app) and read it for yourself. I’ll have a full review of the book in a few days, but I can vouch that it’s pretty friggin’ great. Second, the point is well worth stating again: Rick Perry is so not gay.

Yesterday Rick Perry launched his new attack ad. In it, he claims that there is something wrong with America because gays can serve openly in the military, but kids can’t openly celebrate Christmas or pray in schools. You can watch it here if you must. The ad is titled “Strong” because “Big Strong Man Fights For What’s Right” sounded a little too, well, gay. The ad also claims that Obama is waging a war on Christianity.

Let’s go point by point on this whole “Strong” ad. First up, gay soldiers serving openly. Far be it from me to act like I’m an expert at military operations, I am certainly not. But, I also listen to experts when they tell me what they’re opinions are. So when the Joint Chiefs and the Secretary of Defense tell me that openly gay soldiers would not hurt our readiness, in fact it would help it, I try to pay attention. When a extensive survey is done of current service men and women asking their opinions about openly gay soldiers and it is massively positive feedback, that tends to sway my opinion. So for Rick Perry to act like the sexual orientation of a soldier is what’s wrong with this country is disgusting hate politics, plain and simple. He doesn’t care about the military effectiveness of our armed men and women, he cares about scoring political points with a far right hate filled group of awfulness. You know, the kind that boo’s an active serviceman because he’s gay. That kind of awful.

I’m going to skip point two for now, and jump ahead to Obama’s war on Christianity. Seriously? I was at Obama’s inauguration, and I recall the opening prayer praising Yahweh. That’s some serious Christian lingo there. That isn’t your average religious rhetoric. That is balls out Christianity. Remember during the 2008 campaign people were flipping shit over Reverend Wright? How can Obama be both way too angry black Christian and Muslim? I guess when you want to hate someone, that person can be both sides of diametrically opposed viewpoints. If anything, Obama’s war has been against radical Islam, quite literally. Obama kills radicals like it’s his job, which I think it is, although his predecessor sure didn’t act like that.

So let’s hop back to point two, kids can’t celebrate Christmas or pray in schools. Let’s start with the second half of that: yeah, kids can’t pray in school. Why is it that these anti-government Republicans love the Second and Tenth Amendments but despise and ignore the First? Hell, sometimes they even cherry pick part of the First Amendment. “Congress shall make no law…prohibiting the free exercise thereof” religion. Yeah! No prohibition of how I choose to worship my God! Damn straight, land of the free, bitches! If you go back and read that sentence, you might notice an ellipsis in there. That’s because I skipped a little portion: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.” That’s the whole part of that amendment (which, in case you were wondering, is not the whole First Amendment). If you are ranking importance of things that the founders cared about in order of placement in the Bill of Rights, which I admit is a terrible barometer, then not respecting an establishment of religion is number one. Before freedom of speech, shooting dudes in the face, not letting soldiers sleep in your house or even allowing for freedom of your choice of worship comes that the state should not be endorsing a religion. And if your teacher gets up in front of your geometry class and says, “Praise be to Jesus and his giving us of quadrilateral triangles,” then I’m afraid that the state is in fact endorsing a religion. Let me take a stab in the dark and say if a teacher lead a prayer of, “Praise Allah and his hatred of split infinitives,” Rick Perry wouldn’t be okay with that. So if you want your kid to hear a prayer before they learn about the capital of Vermont, then send them to private school.

Finally we reach the most absurdly ridiculous item in the ad: kids can’t openly celebrate Christmas. Are you high? What universe do you live in? What child is not being allowed to celebrate Christmas? Seriously, I want to know. A lady pepper-sprayed people’s faces to get an Xbox for Christmas. The only way people aren’t being allowed to celebrate is if their eyes are swollen shut from all the Black Friday pepper-spray. Or maybe Rick Perry is talking about the nearly 20% of Texans that live below the poverty line. Those kids certainly can’t openly celebrate Christmas cause they can’t afford a tree or presents or cheer. Maybe it’s the more than 20% of Texas children who are uninsured that can’t openly celebrate. You certainly shouldn’t go sledding without insurance, you could break a bone. And caroling out in the cold without insurance? Well, it’s tough to celebrate Christmas when you have pneumonia and can’t afford treatment. But I don’t think that’s what Governor Perry is talking about in the ad, because he doesn’t actually care about those people getting to celebrate.

Oh, and one more thing, turns out, Rick Perry hates Christmas. At least, this “Holiday” greeting from the Governor’s website sure seems to indicate his hatred of saying Merry Christmas. And we all know that anyone who doesn’t say Merry Christmas is engaged in a full-scale war against Jesus’ birthday. So one thing the Governor is “strong” on is being a hypocrite.

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: